The body is still warm! #SunBeltHeat Week 12

Two weeks ago, I officially slammed the coffin lid on #SunBeltHeat not once, but twice! But reports of its demise were greatly exaggerated (by me). #SunBeltHeat did not end last with Troy drop kicking Massachusetts. The Sun Belt still has two OOC games on the schedule! How could we have been so reckless?

Personally, I blame you. YES YOU, fellow Beltophile! How dare you allow me to completely dismiss two blasts of #SunBeltHeat! Have you no sense of responsibility? Or shame? Have you ever thought what might happened to me should I not live up to by responsibilities? If anything, this ugly incident proves that even the handsome genius behind #SunBeltHeat (me) can be thwarted by incapable assistants (all of you).

What? You want an apology? Forget it. I’m a busy guy and some things slip even my powerful mind. If anything, you should be thanking me for remembering. NONE OF YOU DID! Go ahead. Thank me profusely in the comments section. I appreciate it.

Remember, #SunBeltHeat is derived by the following top-secret formula that was developed by sports scientists and sorcerers in a secret laboratory beneath the Mercedes Benz Super Dome:

P5 Condescension x ESPN3 + Righteous Fury / “Any given Saturday” = #SUNBELTHEAT

As always, #SunBeltHeat can only be administered to non-Sun Belt opponents and is programmed to become self-aware sometime in the 32nd century.

Louisiana vs Georgia, November 19th, 11:00 AM CST, SEC Network

Chance for winning (ESPN FPI): 5.1%

How could I have forgotten Cajuns vs Bulldogs, the last matchup of the 2016 Sun Belt/SEC Deer Jerky Series? Despite the enormous disparity in wealth, the two teams bear similar qualities. Both feature veteran RBs with eerily similar statlines – Elijah McGuire (158 carries, 762 yds, 6 TDs) and Nick Chubb (169 carries, 792 yds, 5 TDs). Both teams are .500 in-conference (Cajuns 3-3, Bulldogs 4-4). Both teams end the year with in-state rivals (Louisiana vs. ULM, Georgia vs. Georgia Tech). Louisiana and Georgia have a one game history, a lopsided affair in 2010 that ended in a 55-7 Bulldog victory. That’s a bad omen. A good omen for the Cajuns? Georgia has foolishly elected to resurrect the black uniforms, something not seen in Athens since Alabama trounced the Bulldogs 41-10 eight seasons ago. YOU WON’T EXORCISE THE DEMONS FROM YOU SINISTER BLACK GARMENTS WITH THE BRUISES OF CAJUNS, GEORGIA! The Heat melts your sorcery.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 94.9% because Black Uniforms are Cursed

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 100%

 

Presbyterian College vs. South Alabama, November 19th, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN3

Chance for winning (ESPN FPI): 96.5%

Remember that goofy set of weather related circumstances that had LSU paying South Alabama $1.5M to get out of its game with the Jaguars so it could play Florida on November 19? Welp, friends, here we are! The Jags are $1.5M richer and managed to swap opponents with Florida to get the mighty Blue Hose on the sched. Presbyterian College (or “PC” to their friends) is no stranger to Sun Belt competition, holding a 9-8 all-time record against Appalachian State and a 2-2 mark against Troy when both were FCS programs. Avoiding Florida might be the best thing that ever happened to the Blue Hose this year, as the team is 2-8 and not even ESPN is keeping up with the program’s stats. Meanwhile, beating PC does nothing to improve help the 4-5 Jaguars, who need two more non-FCS wins to become bowl eligible. Forgive me for forgetting about this game.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 0% (no measurable amount of #SunBeltHeat currently radiates from this awful matchup)

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 96.5%

 

Games in the Sun Belt for which beautiful #SUNBELTHEAT is not required

Arkansas State v Troy, November 17th, 8:30 PM CST, ESPNU

Georgia Southern v Georgia State, November 19th, 1:00 PM CST, ESPN3

ULM v Appalachian State, November 19th, 1:30 PM CST, ESPN3

Texas State v New Mexico State, November 19th, 3:00 PM CST, ESPN3

Idaho is taking the week off to chill